My Immortal commented by me and Kanigye
by Anonymous1058
Summary: A commentary on the infamous 'My Immortal! Get ready for horrid spelling, long descriptions of outfits, extreme OOCs, and terrible xxx scenes!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I've read some of the other commentaries on My Immortal, so I decided to do one myself with Kanigye. I'm going to be in_ italics_ and my friend is going to be in **bold**.

Chapter 1._ I'm regretting this already_

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)_ No._ **Goffik? I have so much regret for starting this.** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) _You're the one that said it_ **Way to already sound homophobic.** raven, bloodytearz666 **What's with that username?** 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling _She didn't help you enough._ **Is she as illiterate as you?** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! _Run while you can, Justin._** I'm so sorry you talk to this person, Justin.** MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness _What's with the apostrophe?_ Dementia **Dementia? Like the disease?** Raven Way and I have long ebony black **Ebony black?** _That's a tautology_ hair (that's how I got my name_ You had long ebony hair as a baby? _**More importantly why did your parents name you after your hair?**) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears _Wrong adjective_ and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee _No you don't._** Probably not**. (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! _Gladly._ **I don't, so...**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie _That disturbs me_ _greatly._ **Who's that? Who mentioned him?**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white _As opposed to?_ **Oh yet another vampire without fangs. So different**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch** A vampire and a witch? SO DIVERSE**., and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England_ Scotland_ where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen** You sound more like you're twelve.**). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **We could tell.**) and I wear mostly black **Shocking.** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there _Yes because all wizards go shopping in muggle stores._ For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow_ I don't care._ **Could you not?**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining _You mean sleet?_** I'm not convinced this is a real thing that happens.** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them _Someone needs to turn that frown upside down._** You should really stop worrying about everyone staring at you.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….**SUSPENCE** Draco Malfoy _No. Please no_.!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly_ Draco Malfoy is not SHY you stupid muggle._** In what case would Draco say ****_anything_**** shyly..**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Without saying goodbye I might add.** _Such an interesting conversation. I was captivated._

AN: IS it good?_ No._ PLZ tell me fangz!** Stop using fangz as a pun, it's stupid. **_Just like your mom._

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz **Stop** 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta _She's trolling you _! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **No.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom _You mean dormitory. _**As opposed to what? Do you often wake up elsewhere? You really need to stop getting blackout drunk Ebony****_._** It was snowing and raining _Sleeting_ again **You're causing this weather.** I opened the door of my coffin _You mean lid_ and drank some blood from a bottle I had **Where did you get the blood? Are there donors? Do you just keep bottles of blood handy at all times?**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink _Fail_ velvet with black lace on the ends **Shocking**. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt _Why would wizards like muggle bands?_ which I used for pajamas** I would think someone so concerned about clothing would be more dressed up for bed and not just use a giant t-shirt.. but whatever**. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. _What happened to the uniforms? _**Almost half of this story has been clothing description.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! _No one cares_ **Self-inserts. Lovely.**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair _I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH_ with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes_ So she woke up, flipped her hair, and then opened her eyes? Sounds confusing_. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots** Pointy?**. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) _No one cares_ **Shocking..**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. _So you dressed in complete silence? Sounds awkward..._ **Yes I saw that three second conversation you had with him.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. _Such nonchalant_

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room_ I thought you were in your dorms?_ and into the Great Hall _Since when is the Great hall next to the Common room_.** Since when does a short conversation mean you like someone?**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted _Yes because shouting is so believable_** You're totally making your case right now .**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me_ How convienant ._

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily_ I thought you didn't like him?_** We all know you like him Ebony.**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me._ Why is a muggle band playing in Hogsmeade._ **Since when does Hogsmeade hold concerts at all?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" **Holy. Fucking. Shit. I'm. So. Shocked.** I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…**DRAMATIC PAUSE.** do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped._ Such a cliffhanger_ **DUN DUN DUN**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!** No. I will keep on flaming until the end.** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl **If I left you a good review does that make me a tru goffik or what?** 4 da good reveiws _They're lying_ FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis _Thank god_ or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte **I'm sure book or lyric writing is far above your intelligence level.**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff_ I can practically see it before my eyes_ on the back and front **'Corset stuff'. Wow so descriptive. I can get a clear image from that.** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists _Yes because everyone is depressed before going to a concert_** Woah, woah WHAT? You're depressed for what reason? You're about to go out on a date with a guy you CLEARLY like, to your favorite band's concert! And making it such a normal thing is so not okay!**. I read a depressing book **What is a depressing book?** while I waited for it to stop bleeding **Why cut yourself if you dont want to bleed?** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway _So why did you put it on the other two chapters?_ **So why did you need it before?**. I drank some human blood **As opposed to animal blood, since you're obviously a twilight vampire** so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car_ Draco doesn't have a flying car, the Weasleys do_ **Aren't flying cars banned or something? And since when does Draco use muggle stuff?**. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too **Everybody is playing!**), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner Hot (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok! _I'll just have to take your word for it_** Whatever you say**).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice _How does one say a phrase in a depressed voice while having an exclamation mark?_ **So much depression for a single date.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666_ So original_ **3 numbers on a liscense plate. Lovely.**) and flew to the place with the concert** Real descriptive**. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson _I thought you were depressed?_ **I too often listen to the band I'm going to hear before the concert.** We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **How do wizards get drugs? What kind of drugs are we talking about here? Weed? Cocaine? Are we overdosing on ibuprofen Are we just throwing a ton of drugs into a blender and making a drug cocktail?**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car _Did you fall and die?_** I hope she jumped from the car in the air and dropped to the ground.** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte _That's not moshing_.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song** I'm not surprised**).

"Joel is so fucking hot _Yes because that's exactly what you say to set the mood with your date_ ." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club _You're in a club now_? with his amazing voice. **So to your date you said another guy was hot? And expected to get a good response?**

Suddenly Draco looked sad _Gee, I wonder why_.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on _Took you long enough._ **Amazing how quickly she figured it out.**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.** "He's just better looking and I would leave you in a ditch if I had the chance to be with him."**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective_ I can't imagine a situation in which Draco would be sensitive._ **IT'S A TRAP DRACO.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch. **Oh yes because getting jealous will completely show Draco you love him**" I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face _How can a face be blonde?._

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. **Except for that whole "He's hot" thing. Soooo five minutes ago.** So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **How did you obtain said beer?** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… **DRUMROLL** the Forbidden Forest! _*LA GASP*_

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming **No** ok ebony's name is ENOBY _Wut_ nut mary su OK **No!** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent** No!** dey nu eechodder b4 ok **No!**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" _Driving you into a forest to kill you?_ **Please say you've plotted the best way to murder her!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.** I wish I could walk out of cars. Seems like the coolest way to get around.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **"Wow why the fuck did you bring me into this forest Draco surely you won't fucking murder me where no one can hear my screams."**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts **Of course he is**) _So red is now gothic?_ which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. _Sadness and evilness anger. I'll keep that in mind._ **Such beautiful evil made my anger melt into nothing. **_That was beautiful *wipes away tear*_

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. _Just as you what?_ **Just as I-** Draco climbed on top of me _On top of you? That sounds uncomfortable... _and we started to make out keenly _Wrong adjective_ against a tree **So he's on top of you AND you're against a tree? Such skill.** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra ***GASP***. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. _Oh my God! My poor virgin mind! This shall scar me for life_. **His thingie in her you-know-what oh my!**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. _How? You're a vampire, you can't get warm. And since when does pale mean cold?_ And then…. **SUSPENCE**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **OMG I WONDER WHO'S SHOUTING LIKE THIS**

It was…**SUSPENCE**...Dumbledore! _Last time I checked he doesn't swear nor shout_ **I have no words to express what I am feeling over this.**


End file.
